Cerebellum Bellums

"You don't have to control your thoughts;

you just have to stop letting them control you."

- Dan Millman

It was April of this year. I was at my computer when I started to get a terrible headache. I was unbearable. I had to stop what I was doing and just try to relax. It only lasted for a few minutes but it felt like a few years. When it was all said and down, I felt different. A calm I had not felt in years was upon me. The darkness wasn't so dark. The light that had for the last few years never shown on me, was. The feeling was intense. My mind was starting to come back to me. And then memories started to return. Losing the love of the my life, losing my future children. I broke down and started to cry. I couldn't believe what had happened to me.
Why had this happened to me? Why was I the one to lose everything?

Mental illness is just that, an illness. It doesn't single out a particular person or have any commonality at its discretion. All I knew, was I was free. Maybe not forever, but for the moment. I called my lost love to tell her the news. Even though we had still remained friends during this dark time, it had not been the same. I just didn't know how to act around her. But, she stayed in my life, unaware of my demons, and for that I will always be grateful. Deep down, she kept me alive.

After I had talked to her, I started to think about this new found freedom. How did this happen? What made that moment the moment everything got better? Like the illness, I will just never now. I think in my mind a civil war had been waged. Two sides, sanity and insanity, had been fighting since day one. Thankfully, sanity won the battle, if not the war.

Thus begins a new era for me, Josh is back...and changes have been in the making. I've got my sunscreen, so lets enjoy this light.

So what do you say.....lets try and have some fun :)