Real* Stories Part 4 - The End of the 4 Minute War

THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS REAL*. ONLY THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO MAKE THIS SLIGHTLY MORE FUNNY.

PREVIOUSLY ON REAL* STORIES

And when I saw Lauren pull out the Taffy, I knew this rumble was on. She had a ritual with her fights; first she'd eat some Taffy, then put on her Drew Carey glasses, and last, she'd turn on her Rick Astley Beat Down Mix on her IPod. When we heard "Never Gonna Give You Up" blaring from her headset, we knew something else, The Popsicle Express had no chance.

Lauren made a b-line for Pat O'Cake. Not really to single him out, but to save him from Brad. He had cornered Pat and was doing his one man show of South Pacific. Pat, who was crying and scared, was grateful to see Lauren. He would rather scrap with her rather than sit through another minute of Brad's show. Pat sadly didn't have a chance as once Lauren had her taffy, she was unstoppable. She made him say uncle, then pinkie swear that he would go home and think about what he'd done. He continued crying, and then left.

Kelly and Dan had teamed up to take on Jack and Red. They were duking it out in the Lesbian Pizzeria and Bait Shop apply named Lure. Pizza was flying, worms were trampled, and the ladies in the Pizzeria seemed pretty excited. And with each of their ladies on there shoulders, an epic chicken fight began......and ended quickly. Sadly, due to Big Jacks small size, they were easily defeated. Dan and Kelly embraced knowing that their skills at chicken fighting while inside a Lesbian Pizzeria and Bait Shop, was out of this world.

I was trading jabs back and forth with Brian O'Nasty. First I showed him some old family pictures, which dazed him. Then he showed me some Lolcats from his cell phone, it almost knocked me down. But I was finally able to knock him out with a low blow of nude pictures of his girlfriend. She was partially dressed as Barney being whipped with a Halibut as she watched Harry Potter; it was just too much for him.

As we looked over the battle field, through the midgets, the night crawlers, and as Brad continued to sing, we marveled in our victory. We knew we were the kings of South East Chicago. And as we left, Brad was finishing South Pacific and moving on to Sunset Boulevard.

We smiled and knew everything was gonna be OK.

THE END......for this war anyway.

*Complete Fabrication and/or Total Bull***t