Real* Stories Part 2 - The Painted Popsicle Wars

THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS REAL*. ONLY THE NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY, THE CHILDREN, AND THE BAKERS MAN.

I remember when our great War started, as if it was yesterday. It was a sunny Friday around noon.........actually I think it was a cloudy Tuesday after dinner time. Now that I think about it, it was a rainy Thursday before Full House came on. Either way, that day shall live in infamy in the streets of South East Chicago.

We had just finished watching Full House and were debating who would win in a cage fight, Jesse, Joey, or Danny. Just as we added the tag team of the Olsen Twins, we ran into the Popsicle Express. Their leader, Big Jake Heights, was a midget and lawyer from Long Island. Then there was his gal and next in command, Shorty "Red" McLegs. She was a former WBA All-Star and hand model. The rest of the gang consisted Brian "Big O" Nasty, a former underwear inspector, and Pat O'Cake, the bakers man and 1999 Beat Boxing Champ.

When we ran into them, things got real quiet. Like the kind quiet when someone farts in church or when a clown dies. We had hoped to just pass them and that be it as the last rumble we had resulted in a lot of hurt feelings.

It all started when Dan said "Hey" to Big Jack. That sent him into a tiny rage and he started to kick Dan in the shin over and over again. Kelly immediately came to his aid and punted Jake into an all Lesbian Pizzeria and Bait Shop. Brad went after Brian as he had always hated underwear inspectors. I went after Mr. O'Cake, as we had heat from him stealing my Beat Boxing crown in '99. And when I saw Lauren pull out the taffy, I knew this rumble was on.

And then......................things got weird.

Stay tuned for Real* Stories Part 3 - War and Taffy

*Complete Fabrication and/or Total Bull***t