Laughs All Around

"Haven't you ever heard of

the healing power of laughter?

- The Joker (Batman)

So, like I said before, I went and saw Lewis Black last night at the Fox. The show was out of this world funny. The opening act was funny as hell and Lewis did not disappoint. I laughed so freaking hard and can truly say that overall the night was the best I had had it quite some time. And like clockwork, I had a huge man sitting in front of me. Thankfully, I was able to peer around his huge head and see the show.

After the showed I learned that Jim Gaffigan, another really funny comedian, will be there September 27. Looks like I'll get to go back to the Fox sooner than expected.

Also, Sweeney Todd is gonna be at the Fox. Now that should be fun. Gonna have some serious theater overload, freaking awesome.

Hope everyone had a great week and that the weekend is fun and care free. Love ya guys.

To The Theater

"The novel is more of a whisper,

whereas the stage is a shout. "

- Robert Holman

If there is one thing that truly brings a smile to my face, it is the theater. Some of my favorite memories involve my family, loved ones, and friends at the theater. I'm used to seeing the classics, Phantom, The Producers, Sunset Blvd., and such. Only as of late I have I been there to see comedians. Tonight I'm heading there to see funny man Lewis Black. Man is this dude funny. Hope that everyone has a great day and that the weekend is fun and work free. Love ya guys

Hurt

Partial Lyrics from

Hurt by NIN

I remember everything.

what have i become?

my sweetest friend

everyone i know

goes away in the end

you could have it all

my empire of dirt

i will let you down

i will make you hurt

i wear my crown of shit

on my liar's chair

full of broken thoughts

i cannot repair

beneath the stain of time

the feeling disappears

you are someone else

i am still right here

what have i become?

my sweetest friend

everyone i know

goes away in the end

you could have it all

my empire of dirt

i will let you down

i will make you hurt

if i could start again

a million miles away

i would keep myself

i would find a way

As each day passes, old memories are reborn in the eyes of someone who was once blind. Some good, some bad, yet everyone is a heartache and a joy. But, these things I remember feel as though they are happening to me right now, not as they were back then. As if one is watching an emotional slide show, knows whats coming, but can't hit stop. What the hell has happened to me?

What have I become?

Heaven and Hell on Earth

“Those who promise us paradise on earth
never produced anything but a hell.”
- Karl Popper

Have you ever wondered if this "life" we live is the true Heaven or Hell? Imagine if you will, that our existence on this plane is just that. A combination of heaven and hell with some people living one while the rest live the other. That in the past we died and we are now here. I think this could be true just by looking at the world. Seeing people get handed everything while others get handed nothing. Watching those unworthy prosper while good people falter. Having to watch those who are not human receive a slice of Heaven while you have to stomach a piece of Hellish pie. To always see the good guy fail. Makes you wonder and if this were true, you'd have to ask yourself, what I do to deserve this? Or "how did I get so lucky?" depending on which end you are on.

Remember though the key words are, if this were true. You can stack this with the Hollow Earth Society and Alien Abductions. it's just something to think about, something to keep the mind at ease. And remember, if you are in Heaven, enjoy it for you earned it. And if your in Hell, well, you too also earned it.

Love ya guys.

p.s. As you can see, I'm in kind of a downer mood. I was given the name of 3 doctors and guess what? 1 isn't excepting new patients till the end of September, 1 is on vacation for another 2/3 weeks, and the last one hasn't returned my call. Oh well, all one can do is wait, vent to friends, and hope for the snuggle of a good woman. :)

p.s.s. Enjoy probably the most beautiful piece of music ever written HERE. It's joyful yet sad, alive yet sedate, it is life in its purest. I got to see these guys live, best concert I have ever seen. Love you guys.

Sometimes the Hardest Decisions are the Best Decisions

After a very up and down, mentally frustrating month, I have decided to return to seeing a doctor and go back on medication. I had always hoped that I could rise and over come these problems. I wasn't able to in the past and broke down. I confided in a close friend and ER doctor that I needed help. He was able to make some phone calls that night and gave me the name of the best doctor in the area. I saw him a handful of times, was able to talk, and had just started on a medication regiment. Sadly, I had to stop seeing him after I was let go from my ER job. It also didn't help that he was not covered by my then health plan. These doctors are freaking expensive when they are not at the hospitals that your insurance wants.

Anyway, I made the call today to a doctor that was recommended by my assistant manager from Children's. When I interviewed with them last year, I was open about my past struggles. She had said that if I ever needed anything, just to ask. A few weeks ago, I did. I went to her and said that my mind and emotions were on a roller coaster, some days good, some not so much. I've been grateful that over the years, and presently, that my problems have never surfaced at work. This always seems to hit them out of left field. "Your such a nice guy, your always smiling and polite, I would have never guessed" is what they say.

Sorry to be so random and out of typical formation, my English teacher would have a fit with this entry. Anyway, of course it's a Sunday and had to leave a message. Which means I won't here back from them till Monday at the earliest. But it's a step in the right mental direction. My mind IS better than what it was. It is awake and kicking. I just don't want to return to life where darkness is all that my mind see's and thinks. I love that my mind is good, but I want it to be better.

I love you guys. And to my friends, sorry if I have been out of place as of late and not Josh. You guys keep me going and I am grateful that you are in my life.

- Josh Leadbetter

Faith in Humanity......Check!

"History does nothing; it does not possess immense

riches, it does not fight battles. It is men, real,

living, who do all this."

- Karl Marx

Yesterday I went to a wedding reception for a friend of mine. He and he lovely bride were married in New Hampshire but wanted to have a reception for those of us not able to make. We get there and it's a true German restaurant. The food, the look....you name it...it was there. Soon the bride and groom get there and guess what, he's wearing Lederhosen and she's in a German dress. I can't remember the last time I recall smiling and laughing so much at a wedding reception. Most are boring, dull, and you end up overheated. Not this one, it was fun, love was in the air, and they even had fans set up to keep us cool....these people were awesome.

But one thing really stuck out, it was the love these two people had for each other and life. It was evident in everything they did, said, and showed. And this struck a cord with me as for a while I had lost my faith in my fellow man, love, and humanity. It seems when everyday all you hear of is war, death, and divorce, something like this can truly put your faith back in humanity and love. I wish them the best and hope their love can be one of the beacons of light to bring humanity back from the darkness.

Love ya guys

And Now For Something Completely Different

"Music is good!"
- Josh Leadbetter