Gone But Not Forgotten

“Death is not the greatest loss in life.

The greatest loss is what dies

inside us while we live.”

- Norman Cousins

This Opus Redone really hit home when I made it. It was a few years ago and at that time everything around me was collapsing. The walls of everything I knew and loved where crumbling. And, in a last ditch effort to try and find happiness, a was repeately told, "Your a nice guy, but no thanks." I was and still am living in a time when the Nice Guy is on the verge of extinction. So this one really hit home and got my point across. To this date, it is my favorite.

OPUS REDONE #3

Ok, so like most people, I hate ending on a sad but true note. So here is a funny one. I think we have all had moments like this. And if not, your future is gonna be mighty fun :)

OPUS REDONE #4

A Walrus Has Taken My Bucket List

"Life is rather like a tin of sardines -

we're all of us looking for the key."

- Alan Bennett

I was sitting at my desk, watching some old school movies, when my dad walked in to say hi. He's getting ready to ride his bicycle in an event and says he can scratch that off his bucket list. Last year my father was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer in his bladder. After 2 surgeries, 3 rounds of treatment, and a current cycle of treatments, he's cancer free. When this first started, he drew up a bucket list after watching, of course, The Bucket List. He's slowing crossing things of in the event it returns with force. This got me thinking. If tomorrow I was told I had something that could end my life, what would I put on my own bucket list? What would I do to say, "I'm good to go." This got me thinking and the only that popped up was...

Learn to Freaking Sword Fight!

There is nothing more beautiful or classic than a sword fight. This lost art is one of the most graceful and symbolic art forms left. I actually have 2 swords (nerd) but if I could, I would learn with a Rapier. And speaking of sword fighting, light sabers are the ultimate nerd sword. Here is the best fan made fight sequence I have ever seen.

The MAN Adrian Paul

And that was all that I could come up with. Like anyone else I would see all my family and friends and spend most of my time with them. They is the most important things. I wouldn't travel or waste money that I wouldn't be able to use. I'd spend time with those I love, and have some fun with swords. :) So how about you, what would be on your list?

Oh, and to keep the Opus Redone going.

"THE" OPUS REDONE #5

Opus Redone Lives!

"Do What You Love? I tried that

once and she called the cops!"

- Josh Leadbetter

Opus is my favorite comic. My love for this penguin goes back to the day when Far Side was still new and printed in every paper. Years ago, when I was a member of a "classy" site devoted to Pin Ups and Tattooed girls, I started doing something called Opus Redone. I would take the comic that is written by Berkeley Breathed, remove his words, and redo them to make them funnier in a bent kind of way. Opus is his baby, I just like to take the formula and add a little Vodka every once in a while. I went through some of my old ones and they gave me the itch to to do them again. I always did, and still do, like doing these. So here you go, The first Opus Redone of '08. Enjoy

To truly enjoy the comic, you need to see it in its full size. Blogspot shrinks it down and its hard to read. Click the OPUS REDONE to see it.

OPUS REDONE

UPDATE 0524 7/10/08

I'm having a ton of fun doing these again. I just finished 4 more, but I plan to space them out. But here's the second one for you. :)

OPUS REDONE #2

Choices Choices Choices

"Choices are the hinges of destiny."
- Pythagoras

Everyday when we wake, we are presented with a mountain of choices. We must ponder these until a final decision and or decisions is made. Throughout history, the fate of man has hinged on these very choices and their selections that followed.

Here are some of the more common and gripping ones with my choices and reasons.

If you have time, tell my yours :)

You: Democrat or Republican

Winner: Neither, 2 piles of shit, the only difference is the smell.

Legal or Illegal

Winner: Legal, make the government tax it and we all win. And no I don't smoke.

To Drink: Beer or Wine

Winner: Wine - It gets you drunker quicker

You Can Only Be One: Pirate or Ninja

Winner: Pirate - Because I already have the hat and ARRGGG is cool!

Best Waste of Time: Warcraft or Everquest

Winner: Warcraft - Because its fun, and you have to be a sad bastard to play it. Glad I grew out of that phase.

In a Fight: Chuck Norris or Superman

Winner: Chuck Norris - Superman never had a chance, he will be missed.

Sexiest Outfit: School Girl or Nun

Winner: School Girl - It just is!

Best Place to Watch a Movie: Theater or Drive-In

Winner: Drive In. 2 Movies and make out central

Sorry for the crap load of blogs lately. I have so much shit on the brain that at times I just can't get it all down. I hope you enjoy these, I know I am :)

Guns Don't Kill People, Ferrets Do - Part I

"At a formal dinner party, the person

nearest death should always be

seated closest to the bathroom."

- George Carlin

One of my hero's, comedian George Carlin, passed away a few weeks. He was 71 and died from heart failure. Death makes you think of someones life and what they have accomplished. Death, also, makes you think about how that person died. We as humans, have it our DNA that we MUST know how someone died. Has anyone ever told you that someone died, and the first thought that crossed your mind was not "so how did they die?" Heart failure, heart attacks, old age, murder, and cancer are usually the top reasons behind ones passing. But what of the unusual? You rarely hear about these as they are uncommon and most families would keep these private. So, I have compiled a list of the more unusual ways for one to lose the war on breathing.

So here you go, death by......

Vanilla Icing

The loss of life due to prolonged periods of listening to Vanilla Ice. The body simple shuts down and a patch of hair on the victims head turns blond.

Kermitis Pigis Constinus Annoyus

Death by physical exhaustion from years of trying to avoid yet please a large overbearing woman. The exhaustion is so extreme it causes the skin pigment to turn green and

the man is reduced to that of a simple swamp frog.

Free Birding

Being pecked to death in a phone booth by birds. Usually happens after being incited by the phrase, "Can you hear me now?"

The Mining Ferret

This one is too disgusting to write down. All I can say is it involves a drunken ferret, a sleeping man, a kilt, and an oven ready chicken.

Butter Withdrawal

Death after one substitutes the real butter in their diet with butter buds. I mean common, butter should not be in a powder form!

Bear Grylls

Only happens when camping with Bear Grylls. When stranded, Bear will kill you with his French Legion knife, skin you, and then gut you to make you his shelter for the night. He will then use your skin to make a small amphibious vehicle to escape and might also use your feet in the event he has to swim and needs flippers.

TO BE CONTINUED

Where Does the Red Fern REALLY Grown?

"Better never to have met you in my

dream than to wake and reach for

hands that are not there."

- Otomo No Yakamochi

As I sit at this desk and read the blog of my best friend, my mind is a sea of information and stories. Reminiscing of great days and love long since past. To think that already in my life time I was able to experience the avalanche that is true love makes me smile and feel warm inside. Yet, having lost love brings back memories long since buried, long since forgotten. How quickly present day joys soon become past memories of a much better time. This life we live is a true Catch 22.

We are given everything yet are we given nothing.

If you are with someone you love and care deeply about, tell them that every moment you have with them is a blessing. Love them as if the world would be ending tomorrow. Enjoy the present, for in the future you may be looking at a computer screen, and holding back the tears of the past.

However, we must move on. Living in the past can be beautiful, but like radiation, prolonged exposure can cause extensive health problems and turn your urine bright green.

Fear Is the Greatest Laxative

"The conquest of fear lies in the

moment of its acceptance."
- Unknown

Fear is defined as an emotional response to threats and danger. We all have fears, some more than others. I key for dealing with ones fears is outlined in the simple quote above. You must accept your fears, acknowledge they're real. Only then can truly live. So, to set a good example, I will tell you my fears.

Things Around my Neck:

Ever since I was little I hated it when someone would put their hand on my neck. To this date I get very uncomfortable when someones hands are around my neck. Maybe its for the best, keeps things less kinky.

The Spice Girls:

2 freaking words......."Spice World"

Rabid Man Eating Sloths:

Death is scary in and of itself. Now imagine death at the hands of the slowest creature on the planet. It would take him probably a whole year to eat you. And he'd be cute and cuddly the whole time he eat you.........that's true fear my friends.

Unconditional Love:

This my friends, in my opinion, is the greatest fear known to mankind. The thought of giving your love and affection away is mind blowing. Love is the greatest gift we as humans can give to another person or persons. When someone tells you I Love You, you truly are luckiest person in world. The feeling is incredible, words do it no justice. But, when one tries to show their love for someone else, questions will always plague them. Such as

Will they except my love?

Will they love me in return?

Will they drop the restraining order and give me back my clown mask?

Ok, the 2nd and 3rd fears are me having a little fun. But, I do have a fear of things around my neck and like most people, love scares the living daylights out of me. Maybe in the future I will shine the light on a few more of my fears. But till then, how about you.

What are some of your fears?

Humor as Seen By An Orge

"The most wasted day of all is that

on which we have not laughed."

- Nicolas Chamfort

There are certain things in life that just funny. Your friends in pain from doing something really stupid, a pet farting and startling itself, sneezing and crapping your pants. But, it is the simplest of all things that makes something funnier.

Violence

Anyone who was seen The 3 Stooges knows what I am talking about. Moe, Larry, and Curly were comical geniuses. They knew, in order to make a scene funnier, you must resort to these acts. You can't tell me they would have been the gods they are had they not poked eyes, slapped heads, and used a monkey wrench on each others noses.

"Bring hither the skin diving suit with

the bottom cut out,

and unleash the rampant wildebeest."

(Red Dwarf but still a funny quote)

I bring this up for reason. I'm sitting here, getting ready to go to bed before I have to head into work. I'm watching classic BBC comedy as it is far superior to American comedy. Its called Bottom and here is synopsis

Richard "Richie" Richard and Edward "Eddie" Elizabeth Hitler (No relation) are two losers who share a flat in Hammersmith. Richie has never had sex and doesn't have a girlfriend. He doesn't accept the fact that women don't want to sleep with him. Eddie is a bald alcoholic who has bit of a drinking problem and loves smashing everything to pieces. Both Richie and Eddie are unemployed and they spend most of time beating each other up and breaking everything .

Eddie: My Great-Uncle Percy was in the trenches of the first world war. You know what he used to say?

Richie: What?

Eddie : AAH! BLOODY HELL! GERMANS! THOUSANDS OF 'EM! AAAH!

I'm sorry, but you don't find quality programs like this on American TV. And if they did, odds are it would be on FOX and they would cancel it after 2 episodes.

You also can't forget The Young Ones.

Four mis-matched university students share a house in North London: Neil, the hippy; Mike, the cool person; Rick, a would-be anarchist studying sociology; and Vyvyan, the punk medical student who is prone to extreme violence. Together with their bastard Russian landlord, the world of these "bachelor boys" is surreal and violent.

"This calls for a delicate blend of psychology and extreme violence. "

This is true humor at its finest. Simple, violent, and dam funny :)

Universal Languages

"A painter paints pictures on canvas.
But musicians paint their pictures on silence.

- Leopold Stokowski

A universal language is a hypothetical historical or mythical language said to be spoken and understood by all or most of the world's population. Sounds beautiful doesn't it and god bless Wikipedia. To me, the greatest of the three universal languages is the language of music.

I remember being at college, in a huge theater, with a hundred other musicians. They were from all around the world and a good chunk didn't speak English. I remember thinking to myself, hows this gonna work. Then the conductor raised the baton and we started playing. Music is the language of notes. To see a group of people who are unable to communicate thru words, communicate thru another medium, that of music, is amazing. It truly to me is the greatest universal language.

Still on my favs, thanks L

The second language is that of mathematics. Not quite as much fun as music in my eyes, but still, universal. I remember having a Russian math teacher in college and not being able to understand a dam word he said. But I was able to follow the math and still be able to fail his class due to poor attendance. By the way

That never happens does it? A college professor who you cant' f*&%king understand!

The last universal language is that of sex. Even thought almost totally physical, the language of sex is undeniable. This language is more of body words more than spoken words. You are able to tell what that person is thinking and what they want by the language of the "ready" human body. Example, guys, you know instinctively when your with a girl, and she does that think where she looks at you and starts to nibble on her bottom lip........yeah you know its on!

Happiness is a Giant

"Many persons have a wrong idea

of what constitutes true happiness.

It is not attained through self-gratification

but through fidelity to a worthy purpose"

- Helen Keller

I remember being at work and holding a 7 week old baby. The baby had cried all day and whenever someone tried to hold her. But when I held her, she looked at me, and went to sleep. I started to laugh and realized she was happy and what little it took to accomplish that. It doesn't take to make one happy. That made me think about what it takes to truly be happy.

Happiness is being held and cuddled by a giant!

Here my out here, babies are what, great than a foot. So in comparison, you would need to held by a giant who was 30-40 feet tall to be in the epitome of happiness! :)

I kid, but it does make one think about the things that make one happy. For me personally, everyday above ground makes me happy. The smiles of my friends, and the drunken memories I have with them.

How about you, what makes you happy?

Cerebellum Bellums

"You don't have to control your thoughts;

you just have to stop letting them control you."

- Dan Millman

It was April of this year. I was at my computer when I started to get a terrible headache. I was unbearable. I had to stop what I was doing and just try to relax. It only lasted for a few minutes but it felt like a few years. When it was all said and down, I felt different. A calm I had not felt in years was upon me. The darkness wasn't so dark. The light that had for the last few years never shown on me, was. The feeling was intense. My mind was starting to come back to me. And then memories started to return. Losing the love of the my life, losing my future children. I broke down and started to cry. I couldn't believe what had happened to me.
Why had this happened to me? Why was I the one to lose everything?

Mental illness is just that, an illness. It doesn't single out a particular person or have any commonality at its discretion. All I knew, was I was free. Maybe not forever, but for the moment. I called my lost love to tell her the news. Even though we had still remained friends during this dark time, it had not been the same. I just didn't know how to act around her. But, she stayed in my life, unaware of my demons, and for that I will always be grateful. Deep down, she kept me alive.

After I had talked to her, I started to think about this new found freedom. How did this happen? What made that moment the moment everything got better? Like the illness, I will just never now. I think in my mind a civil war had been waged. Two sides, sanity and insanity, had been fighting since day one. Thankfully, sanity won the battle, if not the war.

Thus begins a new era for me, Josh is back...and changes have been in the making. I've got my sunscreen, so lets enjoy this light.

So what do you say.....lets try and have some fun :)

When It All Began

"Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence— whether much that is glorious— whether all that is profound— does not spring from disease of thought— from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect."

- Edgar Allen Poe

My name is Josh, I'm 26, and up until earlier this year, I was lost in the darkness that was once my mind. Years ago, I had it pretty good. I was in love, engaged, and had a fullfilling job as a medic in an ER. Life was grand. I had friends that cared for me and a woman who I was going to marry and one day have a family with. Then, out of nowhere, this world I loved started to crumble before my eyes. In the blink of eye, it happened. I had a total breakdown. My mind was gone and everything around me hurt me. I was not in control anymore, I was a prisoner in my own mind, while this darkness started to take over. I kept it to myself in the hopes that it would pass and life would get back to normal. I was wrong. The madness i was experiencing was out of this world. It is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.

This first thing I lost was my girl. I broke up with her. In my mind I was a sinking ship, swirling around, and about to capsize. If I went down in flames I did not want her a part of it. At the time, it seemed like the best idea. I know now, looking back, it was the worst. I should have asked her to help me get thru it. But that last thing madness wants is company.

The next thing I lost was my job. The dark blanket that is madness had covered my eyes to the job I loved most. I had the greatest job. I was able to help people and make a difference in there lives. But, as time went on, I stopped caring, I stopped wanting to help others. I kept asking myself, "How can you possibly help others, when you can help yourself." So, not being able to take it, I started calling in. I give my boss credit. She gave me more chances then most, but in the end, she let me go. I miss that ER more then ever.

Last I started to alienate my friends. Never calling them, never seeing them. It's not that I didn't want to, I just knew I would have nothing to say and that the person they were seeing was not the same person they once knew. Everything I had worked so hard to get, was now gone.

3 years of my life........gone. Spending my time alone with the demons of sadness, madness, death. Never once did I have a day free from the thoughts of death. Waking everyday in my own personal hell on Earth and hoping for a sweet release. It was a constant battle just stay alive. Telling myself that this hell would not be permanent. 3 years of my life, gone.